Tag Archives: Un-review

Casualty Un-Review

So last night I didn’t watch Casualty on BBC ONE at 21.05… here’s my un-review of it.

Casualty’s longevity can be put down to its stunning cast and enthralling story-lines, combined with cracking special effects and a distinctly filmic look. It’s Season 23, episode 46 and as always the latest episode was entirely fresh and original.

The story centered around Charlie, you know the chap; average actor, always in Casualty, never even been given a bit-part in the Bill. It was early morning and Charlie was asleep. In the corner of the room we hear a noise and see a little flicker of electricity; it’s Charlie’s Teasmade kicking into action as it has done every single fucking day since 1986 when Charlie first appeared in Casualty. BUT SOMETHING HAD GONE WRONG. The action cuts to the night before and we see that Charlie had gone on a coke binge and had decided to hire a hooker – nothing wrong with that, you might say, BUT WAIT… when Charlie shot his load over the whore’s breasts, he accidentally caught the electrical socket next to his bed. The scene cuts back to morning and we see Charlie’s spunky socket create a HUGE but entirely plausible explosion when the trusty little Teasmade began to work its magic.

There was fire and all sorts, Charlie looked startled and tried to douse the flames with his tea, but to no avail – the tea had evaporated in the heat, Charlie, you idiot-head. The Fire Brigade where quickly on the sene, swiftly followed by the paramedics who came in a big shiny ambulance and took Charlie back to Holby where they cut off his leg for no apparent reason. Charlie cried a bit and all his colleagues felt sorry for him as he’d lost his house and everything, so they called up his dealer and ordered him a few grams, then the prostitute came back and gave Charlie a happy ending.

Once again, Casualty provided the licence fee payers with a solid night of quality drama on BBC ONE, and all viewers went to sleep content and totally satisfied with what they had watched. The same could not be said for those who experienced Totally Saturday earlier on in the evening; that really was shit.

And now for your Happy Ending: here’s a lovely little sketch from Big Train, arguably one of the more memorable from the series.

Leave a comment

Filed under Cant Review

I Like Blogging and I like to Blog

This post or blog update or whatever the bloody hell they’re called was going to reveal my inner-most thoughts on Series 6 of Dragons’ Den which started on BBC TWO last night and will continue through to September (yes, that’s right, SEPTEMBER). However, not only did I not watch Dragons’ Den, I also failed to record it and really can’t be bothered to to watch it on iPlayer because, well, life’s too short really, isn’t it? So instead of an interesting critique of the actual episode that aired last night, I’m going to attempt to write a few words on what probably happened – let’s call it an ‘un-review’. If it goes well I may do some more ‘un-reviews’ in the future (or the past?).

Five multi-millionaires, none of whom are as rich as Richard Branson but all of whom crave the publicity which he adores so much, sat in a room which looks like it could have been previously used for one of Evan Davis’ sordid sex games (allegedly etc). They were then joined by a succession of idiot members of the public who attempted to pitch the Dragons their business ideas. Because this is Series 8, the production team had to ensure some of the ideas were ‘totally out there’ and had trawled various dubious places to ensure real freaks could be gawped at by the Dragons/us. Some of the ideas were okay, the Dragons invested/didn’t invest some money but the ideas will probably all fail as members of the public like one thing and one thing only – Reggae Reggae Sauce – so anything else truly is a waste of time, unless someone pitched Jungle Jungle Juice, or Classical Classical Coulis, in which case I could be wrong.

The programme was entertaining on the whole but felt like it was trying a little too hard. A good time was had by all, especially Evan Davis whose presenting job on Dragons’ Den is the most pointless and easiest on TV. At the end of ┬áthe show the Dragons all did a little dance, apart from Deborah who lacks rhythm.

THE END

If this has bored you, here’s a funny song from a great BBC THREE show called Snuffbox:

1 Comment

Filed under Cant Review